Friday, January 11, 2013

Untitled

I honestly have no where else to turn to vent some things.  Right now, I am dealing with feelings that I can't just stuff down and hope they go away. They've been there for a solid 6 or 7 years now and just won't go away. I'm not writing this for anything more than to vent.

About two weeks ago, I found out that a friends mother had died. When I was in high school, I had 2 friends who I was closest to, Jackson and Steve. We were (are) the best of friends and did absolutely everything together. That friendship perseveres to this day with Steve and I. He is in Seattle while I reside in Richmond. Jackson is, however, conspicuous by his absence.

When I moved to Richmond in 2004, there was a going away/birthday get together between the 3 of us and their two girlfriends. It was made awkward by Jackson's girlfriend, Noel, who needed the spot light constantly and could not share time with everyone else. She became belligerently drunk and was driven home by Steve's girlfriend (now wife), Brooke. During the drive home, Noel said several things that were alarming pertaining to her relationship with Jack. After mulling it over, Brooke shared this information with Steve and I several months later when I was home for a visit. Essentially, Noel had confessed that she was not in love with Jack and was only with him for stability and financial security. When you are drunk, the truth is often the first thing to come out before the vomit.

Steve and I had an intervention with Jackson over this when it became apparent he wanted to marry Noel. Was it the right idea? I'm not sure, but having the knowledge that his girlfriend did not care for him and that he might spend the rest of his life with that person convinced me that telling him was the right choice. I stand by it to this day.

After the intervention, things went south. Jackson and Steve had a huge falling out and, within a year of that, Jackson and I spoke no more. That was nearly 7 years ago. I've spoken to him once in those seven years when I was visiting his mother in 2007. I haven't seen him since 2005. Jackson is currently married to Noel and they have 2 kids together living in South Carolina.

Jacks' mother died September 14, 2012. I spoke to her last in July of 2012. She told me that she had neuropathy and that it was terminal. It was heartbreaking. She said the doctors were giving her a couple of years as a prognosis. She would be dead 2 months later. I tried to call her several times between September and December only to have a never-ending ring...no answering machine. In late December, I tried to call to tell her merry christmas but the phone was now disconnected. I feared the worst. On January 3rd, I found her obituary online.

As it stands, Jack's father is in a nursing home that I have been unable to locate. He is in the final stages of dementia so contacting him would be futile regardless. The memories of his folks will always be with me and I still tell stories about them ( His father's insistence that Jackson not go out in the cold one night is legendary and is not done justice in print...it must be heard to be appreciated) and think of them all the time.

I sent Jackson an e-mail today. I expect no return correspondence but it felt good to pass along my sorrow about his mother. Everyone keeps telling me that time will heal the wound, but I know it won't. I've never been this sad for this long about something. His mother dying has made it worse and to know that we can't talk about it over a crappy Krystal burger and milkshake is indescribably painful.